When I asked him why he’d filed so many motions, he said he was just trying to get a final judgment of divorce.  This client is a perfect demonstration of the need for counsel.  He was seeking an obtainable outcome in the entirely wrong way.  His lack of knowledge led him to pursue an inappropriately high number of complaints for modification, which wasted the court’s time repeatedly.   His actions likely caused his judge to develop a bias against him, and potentially set him up for sanctions for frivolous filings.  And, to top it off, he still hadn’t received his final judgment of divorce.

When in doubt, seek legal counsel.  The stakes are high—you do not want to turn your judge against you or face sanctions.  Even a one hour consult could have prevented this client from over-filing the wrong paperwork.  

If a party cannot complete the course due to incarceration, language barrier, or military service, they must file this motion.   If granted, the court may allow the party to attend an online course.

Parties must pay for the parenting education course.  If a party cannot afford the fee, the party should file an Affidavit of Indigency with the court.  If granted, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts will pay the cost on behalf of the indigent party. 

At court, you will first check in with the DOR table.  They are located in different locations in different courthouses, but the security guards, bailiffs, and courtroom clerks can direct you.  At the DOR table, the DOR representative will ask you if all parties are present and if all counsel is present.   DOR will also collect your financial statement and the opposing party’s statement.

You should then be prepared to wait a long time.  There are a limited number of DOR attorneys, and they must meet with a full docket’s worth of clients.  It could take hours for DOR to call your case, so bring a book or newspaper. 

At long last, a DOR attorney will call your case and you and the opposing party will meet with the DOR attorney.  The DOR attorney is not a judge, an attorney for you, nor attorney for opposing party.  Instead, the attorney represents the Department of Revenue.  The attorney will review both financial statements and ask you some background questions.  The DOR attorney then applies the Child Support Guidelines to the facts, as you’ve presented them, and determines what the payor parent should provide the recipient parent weekly.  You and the opposing party can stipulate to this amount and sign an agreement, in which case you’ll likely be done and free for the day.

If you do not agree to DOR’s calculation, you will need to wait (a long time) until a judge is available to hear from both parties and the DOR attorney.  The DOR attorney will advocate for his or her calculation, so your own attorney will need to make a strong argument to the judge for deviation from the same.

1) Consider every worst-case scenario and provide for it in your separation agreement.  For example, if Dad has a history of alcohol abuse and has been sober for six years, your separation agreement should include a provision for what will happen if Dad starts drinking alcohol again.  Will he lose time-sharing?  Legal custody?

2) Scour your separation agreement for holes.  Let’s say there are two minor children and your separation agreement provides that each party will claim one child on their taxes.  Fix your separation agreement so it identifies which parent will claim which child.  This way the parents can’t fight about claiming the younger child, who will bring a refund for a longer period of time.

3) Unless absolutely necessary, your separation agreement should not require you to renegotiate anything in the future.  I once saw two parties go through a multi-year trial because their separation agreement stated that Dad would pay the children’s “reasonable extracurricular costs, as the parties agree.”  Mom thought this meant Dad should pay for son’s private baseball coaching, son’s baseball camps, daughter’s cheerleading camps, daughter’s SAT preparation, and daughter’s college tour visits.  Dad disagreed. They spent far more in legal fees than the cost of all these extracurricular activities combined.

4) Pay your child support and alimony.  If you don’t pay it, you’ll be back in court for enforcement proceedings.

5) Speak to your attorney about filing modification actions.  A modification requires a material change of circumstances.  Your attorney will have a better sense of whether a material change of circumstances actually exists. 

1) If you divided up your household income in two, what would be the figure?  Could you live on only half of your current household income?  Are you willing to reduce the size of your home, the frequency of vacations, the amount you spend shopping, etc?

2) If you are currently unemployed, you will probably need to obtain employment in order to live without your spouse’s income.  Are you able to find new employment?  Are you willing to work outside the home?

3) Are you able to identify all marital assets and locate them?  Do you know the value of your marital home, cars, investment accounts, retirement assets, 529 accounts?

4) If you do not currently handle your household finances, how will you budget and manage the finances once you have your own household?  Do you have a financial planner? 

5) Can you conceptualize how this divorce might impact you and your spouse emotionally?  Are you prepared to co-parent in the wake of your spouse’s initial anger?

6) Can you conceptualize how this divorce might impact you and your spouse socially?  If you both have your closest friends through your son’s soccer team, will you continue to be comfortable socializing with the soccer team parents together?

7) Are you prepared for your in-laws and other friends to initially resent you?

8) Co-parenting can be challenging.  How do you feel about only celebrating Christmas with your children on alternating years? 

In Massachusetts, the first variable is weekly income.  The court needs to know the weekly income of the payor and the payee.  People with traditional employment can use their last three pay stubs and W-2s to prove the total income.  People who are self-employed should prepare for a bit of tension over their income, since opposing counsel might request their company’s books and accounts, a deposition of the bookkeeper, and tax documentation.  Beware that commissions, royalties, bonuses, dividends, veteran’s benefits, unemployment, pensions, rental income, and more count as income.

The next variable is weekly child care costs.  This figure must be the reasonable child care costs due to a party’s gainful employment.  In other words, a stay-at-home parent is probably not going to receive a credit for a weekly nanny, unless the attorneys can make an argument for a deviation from the regular child support formula.  This figure is then deducted from the gross income of the party who pays the child care.

Health insurance costs for the minor children are also deducted from the gross income of the party who pays health insurance.  The party who covers the health insurance should provide a print-out from their human resources department indicating the exact cost to cover the children.  This is not necessarily the amount the party pays.  Instead, it is the amount the party pays minus the amount the party would pay for an individual, non-family plan.  The party who covers insurance should similarly provide the figures for dental and vision insurance for the children.

The final variable is other child support obligations, which are only relevant where there is a legal obligation to pay child support.  To get credit for child support, you must have a standing order to pay.  Most likely, you will not receive a full credit for support where you are overpaying a support order, paying support to an emancipated child, or paying for a child whose support has never been adjudicated. 

1) The Golden Rule—When you are in doubt, say “I don’t know.”  If you are concerned that your memory is fuzzy, say “I don’t know” or “I don’t remember.”  This makes it hard for opposing counsel to catch you in a lie.

2) Stay calm and don’t show anger.  The judge is paying attention to your answers as well as your demeanor.  If you feel yourself getting heated, take a deep breath and count to five before answering each question.

3) Although the witness gets interrogated, the witness does not have a right to ask questions back to the hostile attorney.  You can ask clarifying questions, but you cannot ask substantive questions.  Instead, you should rely on your own attorney to be sharp enough to return to such topics on redirect examination.

4) If opposing counsel asks a yes/no questions, you need to give a yes/no answer.  If you say anything more, the opposing counsel will move to strike your answer as non-responsive. 

5) If you feel intimidated by the opposing party, it is okay to not look them in the eye.  Instead, make eye contact with the judge or your counsel.

6) It is okay to ask for a break if you’re feeling stressed or emotional.

7) It is okay to cry on the stand.  This is why family law courtroom clerks always have tissues on hand.

8) Ask your counsel to prep you by role-playing a hostile cross-examination.  This will desensitize you to the uncomfortable situation of getting interrogated by an unfriendly opponent.

9) Do not answer if you don’t understand the question.  Instead, ask for clarification. 

10) When an attorney stands up to object, you need to stop speaking immediately.  You cannot resume your testimony until the judge rules on the objection.  The judge will either deny or sustain it. 

11) You can only speak when asked a question.

12) The judge might interrupt opposing counsel and begin asking you questions herself.  This is common practice and should not worry you.