GUEST POST: Are You Covering All Your Bases?

Ok, so it’s official. You’re getting a divorce. Whether you wanted the divorce, your spouse did, or you made the decision together, it’s going to happen. So now what? Well, if you’re reading this blog, chances are you’ve already got your legal representation lined up. You’ve got your finances in order. You know your rights. You have a good idea of what kind of settlement you’re going to get. You’re all set right?

Are you missing something?
As Attorney Silber pointed out in a recent blog post, divorce involves more than just legality and finances. What most people forget to consider is the emotional aspect. Regardless of who wanted the divorce, chances are you’re experiencing a whirlwind of emotions you never expected. Hurt. Anger. Frustration. Loneliness. Fear. Anxiety. You name it – it’s probably there – lurking just under the surface, threatening to rear its ugly head at any given moment. So what can you do about all of these feelings you’re experiencing? Should you just tamp them down, ignore them and hope they’ll go away?

Toxic emotions can seriously hinder you.
Unfortunately, ignoring your feelings will not make them disappear. In fact, it will probably only make things worse. Emotions like anger and bitterness are toxic and they can take a toll on you – emotionally, physically and even financially. After all, how can you possibly make important decisions about your life and your future if you’re blinded by negative feelings?

How Divorce Coaching Can Help
Getting through the emotional side of divorce is one of the most difficult challenges you will have to face. Working with a divorce coach can help with weeding through the sea of emotions, overcoming fear and uncertainty, and learning how to focus on the future instead of the painful past. What you need is a plan. A clear, actionable plan to help you navigate through this difficult time, regain control of your life and come out on the other side with the clarity and confidence you need to face the bright future that is ahead of you.

You’ve done all your homework. You’ve taken care of the legal and financial concerns of your divorce. Divorce coaching can help you take care of that last, but equally as important factor – you.

Cheryl Dillon is a Certified Life Coach by the International Coach Federation and has completed formal training in life coaching at The Institute For Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC).Through her signature ten-step divorce coaching process, Cheryl guides clients in bringing positive change to their lives. Learn more about how you can use divorce coaching in combination with Attorney Silber’s legal representation to get through divorce successfully.

Don’t Underestimate the Power of Emotion

As I like to say, there are three types of divorce: financial, legal, and emotional.  Even if you are experiencing a divorce that feels primarily financial (i.e. a fight over the house or retirement assets), don’t underestimate the power of emotions.  Oftentimes, the emotions are fueling the financial disagreement.

My personal belief is that financial conflicts settle easier once the emotional conflicts have been addressed.  For this reason, I think it is important for parties to address one another face to face even if there is a lot of anger and hostility.  Many mediators and attorneys are scared to allow parties to face each other, because the initial direct communications can be heated, hostile, and ugly. 

However, the alternative, a stalemate, is worse.  All the time, I see people unable to settle until they’ve addressed the opposing party directly.  Sometimes, an angry spouse needs to scream and yell at their ex before they feel ready to settle.  Sometimes, a hurt spouse needs to hear a direct apology or see some type of remorse first.  And other times, a party just needs to hear, straight from the source, why that party is so insistent on a particular position.

So, if you find yourself in a scenario where you just can’t seem to settle, ask yourself if you are getting sufficient face time with the opposing party.  Have you had the opportunity to say everything you want to say?  Ask everything you need to ask?  And, if the opposing party seems unreasonable, consider whether they’ve had sufficient opportunity to address you directly.  If not, you might never settle until you interact face to face—no matter how ugly those first interactions might be.