1) Page 1 of the Financial Statements asks you if you have any income from household contributions.  If you are living with a boyfriend/girlfriend/new spouse, you should check with your attorney about how to complete this section. It is quite possible that your partner is making a household contribution if they are paying for more than their share of the rent, utilities, etc.

2) The final section of the Financial Statement asks you to list your liabilities.  Think carefully about money you owe.  Do you owe student loans?  Do you have an outstanding mortgage?  Did any friends or family members loan you money for your attorney’s retainer?  All of these debts should be included.  

3) The Financial Statement requires you to list income and expenses in WEEKLY amounts, not monthly.

4) There are two Financial Statements.  If you earn less than $75,000.00 per year, you should complete the short form.  If you earn more, you should complete the long form.

5) Whether you use the long form or the short form, you might feel like there is information that you didn’t have space to include.  When in doubt, include extra information and explanations for all your figures.  This can be accomplished by attaching an addendum, or adding footnotes to your Financial Statement.

1) Bring backup copies of everything.  As a result of hiring freezes, many of the courts are understaffed.  The employees who are still employed are sometimes doing the jobs of one to three people, and they are likely overwhelmed.  It’s not a surprise that court files and paperwork seem to go missing more often than before.  Don’t be surprised if your case is called and the judge doesn’t have your file because no one can find it.  Bring copies of your entire file with you to provide to the judge.

2) Be nice to the staff.  Again, the staff are overworked and underpaid.  Be nice to them.  The courtroom clerks determine the order in which cases are called.  Treat them with respect and patience, and you might be rewarded by having your case called in the first half of the day.

3) Prepare to be at court all day.  You might be coming to court for a short status hearing, but prepare to be present all day.  You could be one of the very lucky cases to be called before 10:00 am.  Or, more likely, your case will be called in the second half of cases.  If you’ve gone to probate for mediation, you’ll have to wait until the probate officer and the judge are both free at the same time.  It could be a while.

4) Arrive very early.  I get to court at 8:00 am.  If I am the first person to check in and I am nice to the clerk (see #2), I just might be one of the first cases called.  The difference between arriving at 8:00 am and 9:30 am is enormous.  An 8:00 arrival might make you the first litigant to check in, whereas a 9:30 am check in puts you in the middle of the line or perhaps at the end.  

5) Negotiate in advance.  The probate department is especially understaffed these days—as if it weren’t a hard enough job already!  A few hardworking probate officers are handling cases for the entire court.  The line for probate can move very slowly.  If you want to avoid the line, come to court with an agreement in hand.

The court has an obligation to protect the victim spouse and children from further harm.  Accordingly, the court should not enter an order that would require the parents to interact with each other.  The time-sharing arrangement should provide for safe transitions of children in a monitored location, perhaps at one’s church.

It is difficult for parents to share legal custody when one parent is abusive.  How can two parents make decisions jointly if they cannot interact with each other?  Where there is a history of violence and/or manipulation, the victim spouse should make the court aware that a joint decision-making arrangement is not feasible and is potentially dangerous.

Since custody can become so tricky in domestic violence scenarios, it is useful to ask the court to appoint a Guardian Ad Litem to investigate allegations and assess which parent provides the safest environment for the children.  Although Guardians Ad Litem can be expensive, most courts have the ability to appoint a pro bono Guardian Ad Litem for low-income families.  

Answer: You file a Motion for Alternate Service.  In this motion, you inform the court that your spouse is parts unknown.  You explain where you last saw the spouse, and all the efforts you have made to locate the spouse at the present time.  If you demonstrate that you have diligently, and unsuccessfully, attempted to locate your spouse, the court will most likely grant the alternate service and direct you to publish notice in a local newspaper.

With the court’s permission, you then contact the indicated newspaper and ask them to run notice of the divorce proceeding in their publication.  (The cost of publication varies.)  You file the tear sheet of the newspaper notice with the court.  You also file the certified mail return from the summons that you mailed your spouse at the last known address.

The case will then proceed to a hearing, at which point the court may grant the divorce.

However, there are a few ways you can sneak evidence of adultery into your divorce.  As a first example, let’s say you’ve found photos on Facebook where your wife is doing something she’s testified in court that she has never done. Perhaps it’s a picture of her with her new boyfriend in Rio de Janeiro, when she said she’s never left the country.  Or it’s a picture of her and the boyfriend at a strip club when she told the court she leads a completely conservative and upstanding life.  You can introduce these pictures to question her credibility before the court.  Ideally, the court will wonder if she is lying about pertinent topics, like her income and care for the children, as well. 

In another scenario, you find photos of your husband on Facebook or Flickr, and he is on a fancy vacation in the Maldives with his girlfriend.  Or it’s a picture of him giving his new girlfriend a Lexus for her birthday.  This evidence could prove that your spouse has been using marital funds on his adultery.   While the adultery itself is minimally relevant, the inappropriate use of marital funds could cause a lot of trouble.

My favorite Facebook story occurred in the state of Washington.  A woman was browsing Facebook, when the website suggested that she friend a woman with her husband’s last name.  She did not recognize the woman as a family member, and curiously friended her.  On closer inspection, the mystery woman’s profile included wedding photos with the original woman’s husband.  He was married to them both!  The original wife moved forward with bigamy charges and a divorce.

If you work with an attorney, you might be able to enter at least some adultery evidence.   

When selecting a family lawyer, you must do your research!  First, research prospective attorneys’ reputations among former clients and among other attorneys.  Ask your friends which divorce attorney they used and how they would evaluate their attorney.  Ask your attorney friends for their opinions on local family lawyers. 

One of the biggest complaints about divorce lawyers is the legal fees.  Before retaining an attorney, ask about their billing structure.  Do they bill hourly or on a flat fee basis?  If hourly, what is their hourly rate?  What types of things can you expect to be billed for?  Will anyone else be assisting with different hourly rates?  Once you retain counsel, it is crucial that you check your bill each month and sort out ambiguities immediately.  If you wait until the case is over, you won’t remember half of your concerns.

Divorce lawyers have different styles.  I, for example, am settlement and mediation oriented, whereas other attorneys are known to be litigation sharks.  Know what you want.  Then find the attorney who has that style.  If you are adamant on trial without attempting settlement, I’m not your lawyer.  If you want to settle your divorce exclusively out of court, there are other attorneys who will not be the right fit for you.

Ask your prospective attorneys about whether they will allow you to discharge them if you feel the attorney-client relationship isn’t working.  Some lawyers work on a limited assistance basis, so it is easy to end the attorney-client relationship.  Other attorneys are committed to resolving divorces from start to end, and don’t like their clients to end representation before the conclusion.  Know what you’re getting into!

Parents Helping Parents provides parent support groups, which meet for one and a half or two hours each week in multiple locations across the state.  The groups are free, confidential, and anonymous.  Parents come to discuss serious parenting problems, abuse/neglect, the removal of children from the home, and other topics related to the challenges of parenting.  A trained facilitator guides each discussion, although the agenda is set by the parents.

Parents Helping Parents also provides an anonymous 24-hour hotline.  Trained volunteer counselors provide support to callers, and help them formulate plans of actions.  When appropriate, the trained counselors provide referrals to community resources and other information. 

If you are a parent experiencing a DCF investigation, a hostile custody dispute, or other general family issues, consider reaching out to Parents Helping Parents for free assistance. 

1) Often, people who choose mediation wait to file their divorce complaint until after the mediation is over and they’ve reached a Separation Agreement.  Since mediation can take months or years, they sometimes end up filing their divorce complaint nearly a year after they intended to be divorced.  This is problematic for alimony.  In Massachusetts, the duration of alimony payments is determined by the length of marriage, as defined by the date of marriage until the date of filing/service of the divorce complaint.  In other words, a manipulative party can deliberately delay mediation in order to obtain alimony for a longer term…  Solution: Hire an attorney to file for divorce before you begin mediation. 

2) Some mediators do not require the parties to complete financial statements prior to mediation.  This means that parties can negotiate a Separation Agreement blindly.  If you never see your spouse’s financial statement listing his/her hidden retirement investments, how can you negotiate for your marital share of that retirement investment during mediation?  Solution: Demand that both you and your spouse exchange completed financial statements (and supporting documentation) before mediation. 

3) The brilliance of mediation can also be its greatest weakness.  In mediation, the parties are not limited to the solutions available to them by law.  They can brainstorm solutions that the courts would never have conceived.  At the same time, without counsel during mediation, the parties might never realize the solutions available to them under the law, such as the Child Support Guidelines or the new alimony law.  It would be a shame to settle for less than you’re due, simply because you did not know what you could have gotten through the court!  Solution: Bring an attorney with you to mediation. In many cases, the attorney will save you considerably more money than you pay the attorney. 

To be honest, my very first thought was that he must by lying.  Reconciliations occur infrequently in my line of work.  However, the next day, his wife appeared at court to sign a Joint Motion to Dismiss the Divorce Complaint.  She was in good spirits.

We had a very brief hearing and the judge—a generally stoic one—smiled and congratulated the couple.  Their reconciliation meant one less case on his crowded docket, one less child support case through the Department of Revenue, one less couple for the probation department to meet, and thousands of dollars saved in attorney’s fees.  When you think you might be able to reconcile, try it!  It’s good for your bank account, the state’s budget, and it’s likely to benefit you too. 

    Clerk: Where is your summons?
    Litigant: What summons?
    Clerk: The summons we gave you when you filed your complaint.
    Litigant:  I’m not sure what you’re talking about.
    Clerk: Well, we can’t have your hearing until you file the summons.  Come back another day.

Oy!  The summons is procedurally crucial.  The court needs to know that the Plaintiff (the initiating party) gave the Defendant proper notice of the court proceeding.  There are three ways the Plaintiff can provide proper service:
    1) The Plaintiff can serve the summons and complaint on the Defendant by constable.  In this scenario, the constable signs the summons and indicates when and where the constable served it on the Defendant.  The Plaintiff then brings the signed summons back to court.  
    2) The Defendant can accept service by signing the summons with notarization.  Here, the Defendant is essentially waiving his or her right to be served by constable and instead the Defendant voluntarily submits to the court proceeding.  The Plaintiff then brings the signed summons back to court.  
    3) If the Defendant is parts unknown, the Plaintiff can ask the court for permission to serve the Defendant by publishing the contents of the summons in a newspaper.  If the court allows it, the Plaintiff must file the newspaper tear sheet with the court, along with a returned, certified-mail envelope containing the summons, which was mailed to the Defendant’s last known address.

If you show up to court without one of the three above, the court will be concerned you failed to give the Defendant proper notice of the case and the court will most likely refuse to hear your case!