Cheryl Dillon is a Certified Life Coach by the International Coach Federation and has completed formal training in life coaching at The Institute For Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC).Through her signature ten-step divorce coaching process, Cheryl guides clients in bringing positive change to their lives. Learn more about how you can use divorce coaching in combination with Attorney Silber’s legal representation to get through divorce successfully. 

If you are prepared and confident, you probably do not need counsel for a 1A hearing.  Here is what to expect:

1) The judge will begin by asking both parties to state their names for the record and be sworn in.

2) The judge will ask the parties their date of marriage, date of separation, and whether the marriage is irretrievably broken.  The parties’ answers should reconcile with the information on the 1A divorce complaint and in the Separation Agreement.

3) The judge will ask each party if they signed the Agreement freely and voluntarily, believe it to be fair and reasonable, had the opportunity to consult counsel, and had the opportunity to review all financial records requested from the other party before signing the Agreement.

4) The judge may ask if the parties understand that they have requested the Agreement to either merge or to survive. 

5) If the judge is satisfied with all the answers and the quality of the Separation Agreement, the judge will most likely enter the divorce at that moment.  (Remember you cannot remarry until the nisi period is over!)

Thankfully, Massachusetts is a no-fault divorce state which means residents have the option of getting divorced without citing a reason beyond “irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.”  Although most people pursue divorce on grounds of irretrievable breakdown, Massachusetts allows you to cite fault if you want.  You should talk to your attorney if you’re inclined to cite a fault ground of divorce because these fault grounds of divorce may not help your case.  In fact, they could hinder negotiations by infuriating the opposing party. 

1) Location.  Some litigants choose the first rental they can afford, even if it’s an hour and a half away from the marital home.  If children are continuing to live in the marital home, distance could cause a logistical nightmare.  How can you share time with the children if it’s a long commute from one home to the other?  How can the children sleep at your place on a weeknight if they’d have to wake up at 5:00 am to get to school on time?

2) Size and suitability for children.  Litigants sometime think their first rental is a stopgap until a permanent home is possible.  Be weary of this line of thinking.  Even if you’re staying in a studio for only three months, how can the children sleep over during that time?  Is it even feasible for them to spend daytime in your small quarters?  If the rental is in a bad neighborhood, will the court be willing to let them visit you?

3) Cost.  While you need to spend enough money to find a convenient location and suitable size, don’t spend all your money.  Within weeks, you may be facing hefty additional financial obligations—alimony and child support.  Additionally, you may still be required to contribute to the mortgage on the marital home until the divorce is entered.  Make sure you have sufficient financial flexibility. 

4) Who keeps the marital home?  Often, the person to initially stay in the marital home is the person to keep the marital home.  Plan accordingly.  If you have your heart set on keeping the marital home, don’t move out.  Consider moving into the guest room or basement instead. 

Recently, however, I’ve seen an uptick in the number of childless divorces where the parties continue to fight post-divorce… over the dog!  If you are in the middle of a childless divorce, and thinking about retaining joint legal or joint physical custody over your pet, here are some things to consider:

1) Few states have clear statutory guidelines for time-sharing with an animal or financial support for an animal.  You and your spouse will be creating an arrangement that is probably not backed by the law.

2) Along those lines, if you and your spouse fight over the pet post-divorce, a court is not going to want to hear about it.  Most judges do not have the patience to hear about Fido when they have a full docket of cases with serious issues.  Your fight about which dog walker is best is not nearly as compelling as a child sexual assault case.

3) Unlike child support, which is handled by the Department of Revenue, there is not a state-run agency for monitoring the payments of pet financial support.  In other words, your spouse will need to make payments directly to you, rather than the Department of Revenue, and there will not be an agency to file a claim on your behalf if your spouse is non-compliant.

4) While pets don’t live as long as humans, they can live a long time.  Fifteen years from now, do you really want to be fighting with your spouse of two years over whether or not to put Fido to sleep??

1) Pause after every question.  This gives your attorney an opportunity to object.  While you’ll likely have to answer the question after your attorney’s objection, the objection may help you know what your attorney is worried you’ll accidentally say in your answer.

2) When you answer each question, look at the stenographer rather than opposing counsel.  Opposing counsel’s goal is create a fluid conversation with you, in which you’ll become comfortable and say more than necessary.  If you make eye contact with the stenographer instead, it’s challenging for opposing counsel to create a chatty environment.

3) Answer the question, and only the question.  Think about the briefest way to answer the question.  It may be a simple yes or no.  Do not provide a narrative response or superfluous detail unless absolutely necessary.

4) If you don’t understand the question, ask for clarification. 

5) If you are not certain of the answer, say “I’m not certain” or “I don’t know” or “I don’t remember.”  Your answer will be memorialized in a transcript, and opposing counsel will look for inconsistencies between your comments at trial and at deposition.  It’s harder to find inconsistencies when you only provide answers that you are certain are accurate.  

The Massachusetts divorce statute does not provide for retroactive child support.  In other words, if you file and serve your divorce complaint in July, you are not going to be able to receive child support for time before that July.  The court may decide to give you child support retroactive to that July but not before.

There is a distinction for paternity cases—cases in which you have a common child/ren but were never married.  In a paternity matter, under 209C, you may be able to obtain retroactive child support prior to the filing and service of the divorce complaint.

Accordingly, it’s important to work with your attorney to strategize the timing of your divorce.  On the one hand, you might not want to initiate a divorce until you’re emotionally ready, but on the other hand you may also miss out on some child support if you wait too long.

1) Page 1 of the Financial Statements asks you if you have any income from household contributions.  If you are living with a boyfriend/girlfriend/new spouse, you should check with your attorney about how to complete this section. It is quite possible that your partner is making a household contribution if they are paying for more than their share of the rent, utilities, etc.

2) The final section of the Financial Statement asks you to list your liabilities.  Think carefully about money you owe.  Do you owe student loans?  Do you have an outstanding mortgage?  Did any friends or family members loan you money for your attorney’s retainer?  All of these debts should be included.  

3) The Financial Statement requires you to list income and expenses in WEEKLY amounts, not monthly.

4) There are two Financial Statements.  If you earn less than $75,000.00 per year, you should complete the short form.  If you earn more, you should complete the long form.

5) Whether you use the long form or the short form, you might feel like there is information that you didn’t have space to include.  When in doubt, include extra information and explanations for all your figures.  This can be accomplished by attaching an addendum, or adding footnotes to your Financial Statement.

Answer: You file a Motion for Alternate Service.  In this motion, you inform the court that your spouse is parts unknown.  You explain where you last saw the spouse, and all the efforts you have made to locate the spouse at the present time.  If you demonstrate that you have diligently, and unsuccessfully, attempted to locate your spouse, the court will most likely grant the alternate service and direct you to publish notice in a local newspaper.

With the court’s permission, you then contact the indicated newspaper and ask them to run notice of the divorce proceeding in their publication.  (The cost of publication varies.)  You file the tear sheet of the newspaper notice with the court.  You also file the certified mail return from the summons that you mailed your spouse at the last known address.

The case will then proceed to a hearing, at which point the court may grant the divorce.

However, there are a few ways you can sneak evidence of adultery into your divorce.  As a first example, let’s say you’ve found photos on Facebook where your wife is doing something she’s testified in court that she has never done. Perhaps it’s a picture of her with her new boyfriend in Rio de Janeiro, when she said she’s never left the country.  Or it’s a picture of her and the boyfriend at a strip club when she told the court she leads a completely conservative and upstanding life.  You can introduce these pictures to question her credibility before the court.  Ideally, the court will wonder if she is lying about pertinent topics, like her income and care for the children, as well. 

In another scenario, you find photos of your husband on Facebook or Flickr, and he is on a fancy vacation in the Maldives with his girlfriend.  Or it’s a picture of him giving his new girlfriend a Lexus for her birthday.  This evidence could prove that your spouse has been using marital funds on his adultery.   While the adultery itself is minimally relevant, the inappropriate use of marital funds could cause a lot of trouble.

My favorite Facebook story occurred in the state of Washington.  A woman was browsing Facebook, when the website suggested that she friend a woman with her husband’s last name.  She did not recognize the woman as a family member, and curiously friended her.  On closer inspection, the mystery woman’s profile included wedding photos with the original woman’s husband.  He was married to them both!  The original wife moved forward with bigamy charges and a divorce.

If you work with an attorney, you might be able to enter at least some adultery evidence.